Toby tried to chat up a girl in a café once – it was a disaster. Everything he said would trigger an old heartbreaking memory for her, going from bad to worse, until finally she was crying uncontrollably, two windows had been broken, and there was a curious mix of urine and blood spreading across the café floor.
These days, Toby has honed his technique. He knows all there is to know about a girl and her habits before he even speaks to her. Sure - it’s cold, it’s lonely, and it’s illegal, but it’s always best to be prepared.
And finally he has found her – the girl of his dreams. She’s pretty, she’s funny, she’s smart, she eats Chinese food every Thursday, she pays around $90/month electricity, and she leaves her spare key under the pot-plant by the back door.
Now all he has to do is actually meet her… what could go wrong?